limericks

There was a young man from Peru,
who fell asleep in his canoe,
while dreaming of Venus,
he played with his penis
and woke up covered in goo.

There was a young man from Saint Paul
Who went to a masquerade ball.
Just for a stunt
He went dressed as a cunt,
And was fucked by a dog in the hall.

There once was a man named Ray
Who fashioned a cunt out of clay
But the heat of his prick
Turned the clay into brick
And tore all his foreskin away

There was a young man from Spleen
who invented a wanking machine
on the 99th stroke
the fucking thing broke
and whiped his balls to cream

I know of a horny boy Matt
Who played with a vampire bat
With his dick in his hand
His voice did command
"Try sucking the blood out of that!"

There was an old woman from Leith
Who would circumcise men with her teeth
It wasn`t for fame,
Or love of the game
But to get at the cheese underneath.

There once was a girl from Nantucket.
Her boyfriend was about to up-chuck it.
she said with a grin,
wipe that cum from your chin.
I told you it's my job to suck it!

There once was a woman named Jess
Bisexual, she would confess
She loved a good dick
but pussy she'd lick
and leave both a wet gooey mess

There was a goucho named Bruno
Who said, "about fucking, I do know,.."
That women are fine,
And sheep are divine,
But llamas are numero uno!!!"

There was a young whore from kaloo
Who filled her vagina with glue.
She said with a grin,
"If they pay to get in,
They can pay to get out again too!"

There was an old man of the port
Whose prick was remarkably short.
When he got into bed,
The old woman said,
"This isn't a prick; it's a wart!"

Undressing a maiden called Sue,
Her seducer exclaimed, "If it's true
That a nipple a day
Keeps the doctor away,
Think how healthy you must be with two!"

There once was a young barmaid from Wales
On her breasts were written the prices of ale
And on her behind
For the sake of the blind
The prices were tatooed in braille

There was a young husband named Dan
Who bought his dear wife a new van,
And they often would park
In the lane after dark.
And have a threesome with a guy from Japan.

There was an old man from Cape,
Who tried to shag an ape,
The ape said, "You fool.
"You've got a square tool
"And you're putting me arse out of shape!"

There once was a man from Kent
Whose dick was so long that it bent.
To save himself trouble,
He put it in double,
And instead of coming, he went.

A careless young virgin named Wright
Got drunk with her boyfriend one night.
She awoke in a snit
With her maidenhead split,
To be told that she sure had been tight.

There once was a man from China,
Whom wasn't a very good climber.
He slipped on a rock
Cut off his cock,
And now he's got a vagina.

Quipped the hip L.A. hostess at tea,
"Say, dude do you fart when you pee?"
Replied I with fair wit,
"Do you fart when you shit?"
On the coast that was one up for me.

There once was a young stud from Saskatchwan
Whose johnson was, jeez, gargantuan.
It was good for large whores
Or small dinosaurs,
And sufficiently rough to scratch a match upon.

There once was a man from York
who picked his nose with a fork
when it got stuck
he cried "I don't give a fuck"
and walked around looking like a dork.

A horny young lady named Lil
Fucked a dynamite stick for a thrill.
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And bits of her tits in Brazil.

There once was a hermit named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in his cave.
She smelled like shit,
And was missing a tit.
But think of the money he saved.

There once was a man from Brighton
Who said to his girl, "You're a tight one"
She said, "Pardon my soul,
But you're in the wrong hole.
There's plenty of room in the right one."

There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long he could suck it.
As he said with great glee,
As it hung past his knee,
"If my nose were a cunt I could fuck it"

There once was a very fine dancer
Whose rectum was stricken with cancer.
She continued to dance -
Could you tell? Not a chance!
Unless you decided to pants her.

The bedroom has lost its decorum.
With group sex, it's more like a forum.
It once was avowed
That three was a crowd,
But today it's not even a quorum.

Said an Argentine gaucho named Bruno,
"Three things about morals I do know:
Fornication's perverse;
Bestiality's worse;
And chastity's numero uno."

From the depth of the crypt of Saint Giles
Came a yell that resounded for miles.
Said the priest, "Goodness Gracious",
did brother Ignatious,
forget that the Bishop hath piles?!

A gay young lady from Wales,
Was strangely attracted to whales.
It wasn't his snout
she worried about
But the thought of his dork made her quale.

Piczo